Buttoned?

It’s generally the feared moment in which we realize, “I need to lose weight.  ”We tug and pull at harsh denim willing it over our thighs. We inhale, sucking in every once of fat (praying that it will magically disappear) as our fingers force the button shut. Two destinies await; either the sweet victory of getting those jeans buttoned or the agony of defeat as we attempt to permanently hold the jeans closed with our fingers.




We’ve all been there; the will it fit moment? We’ve had those “Yay!” moments as we slip back into a size smaller and a “Oh no” moment when we barely get those jeans buttoned and remains of the flab flop over the jeans; a white flag of our impeding surrender to the bulge. Today I had the “Oh no” moment. I came home from work happily ready to run errands with Liam. “I just want to put a pair of jeans on.” It was an innocent enough phrase unaware of the horror that lie ahead of me. It was like watching a scary movie. The audience screaming, “Don’t go down there!” I went down there. I pulled a pair of jeans out of the dryer. I had comfortably worn those jeans all weekend. I slipped one leg in, another, and began to pull up…”oh no.” It felt so surreal. I tugged and yanked them up over my thighs. They slowly moved their way upwards and I fought to button them.



Liam stood in the doorway, watching. It was like watching a train wreck. I could tell he wanted to look away, but was mesmerized by the scene. “What the hell?” I exclaimed. I barely could get them buttoned. I flopped to the bed in the guest room, much like a child having a tantrum, and started to cry. I felt like such a failure! “I’ve been working so hard. I am eating everything right. I’m drinking water. I’m working out.” I blubbered. Liam sat beside me, rubbing my back and spouted off anything he could think of to comfort me and explain. “Your weight fluctuates during the day. You weigh more in the evenings. Did you drink enough water? Flush your system out. Your on your period (can’t believe I just shared that, but oh well) and you could be bloated.” He was so sweet.



I felt so cliché, sitting there in tears over a pair of jeans. It really wasn’t the jeans. It was what they symbolized for me; failure. I felt like a failure. Liam left to run those errands; alone. I vented my frustrations by baking yummies that I would NOT partake in. I am living vicariously through coworkers. Instead of eating cookies when depressed, I bake them so others can eat them. Baking helped. Next was on to a 60 minute intense cardio, core, and Yoga workout. Dinner was a bowl of protein cereal, piece of fruit, and six glasses of water.



It really wasn’t the most appropriate response. It was as if I was attempting to magically make those jeans fit by working out extra hard and eating extra well (I eat six small meals throughout the day instead of three big ones, hence the small dinner). The issue here isn’t that I failed. Honestly, I didn’t fail. There could be a million reasons for the jeans; most notably them coming fresh out of the dryer and me being incredibly bloated. I weighed myself and I actually weigh a pound less than I did in the morning. The real issue here is my reaction to a perceived failure and measuring my success in a pair of jeans fitting.



Is that success? No. Yes, slipping into a pair of jeans (a size smaller) feels like victory. It’s not victory. It’s a symptom of victory. The true victory is that I have been eating well and exercising five days a week. The true victory is that I am feeling better. I have more energy. I can feel my endurance, strength, balance, and flexibility are improving. These are the true victories. I can run a mile without stopping; feet I could NOT do in High School. If only Jogging Judy; my High School PE Teacher, could see me now!



This is the lesson from the Jeans Meltdown; success is not measured in denim. So, the next time you struggle to pull that faded blue denim over your thighs, remember it doesn’t define your success or failure. Take it as it is, a pair of jeans not fitting. Then move on from there. Turn those not fitting jeans into fitting jeans with improved diet and increased activity that leads to a healthier you. Give yourself a break. Reframe those barely buttoned jeans into an opportunity to shape you, not just those thighs.



That’s what I hope to do. Let’s see if I can slip them on tomorrow, if not there always sweatpants!  Those sweatpants define my success each day as I pull the sweaty pair off my exercised body! Ok, that was gross. You get what I mean, though.