It's not my fault, it's the chair!

We’ve had those moments in which we attribute hitting maximum density to other factors. These jeans must have shrunk. That store cuts there sizes smaller. I am bloated and retaining water. This top must have shrunk in the wash. That seat belt is shorter than they use to be…etc.

In my case the moment of self-denial and realization collided during a NFL Playoff Game. My boyfriend and I found our seats at the Ducks v Red Wings game. As I squeeze into the seat, my sides resting against the arms tightly, I exclaimed, “Are these seats smaller than the one's we usually have!?” We had been to the Honda Center three weeks prior and I don’t recall feeling so snug.  My boyfriend found himself in that very uncomfortable male dilemma to lie or tell the truth. He cautiously said, “No, these are the same sized seats we usually have.”

The realization slapped me across the face like dramatic Soap Opera scene. It wasn’t the seats! It wasn’t the fabric of those pants that use to fit! It wasn’t the washing machine plotting to drive me insane by shrinking things! It wasn't an endless state of water retention!  It was, gasp, me!  I had gained weight.

How is this possible? I work out four days a week. I started mentally scrolling through my health management behavior. I was doing the right things, wasn’t I? It appeared so through the lens of my self-denial. Quickly as I pulled of the rose colored classes of self-assurance I could see the stark reality. There was a collusion of both good and not-so-good behavior that called for a course correction.

I could have blamed hte chair, but excuses only perpetuate the problem. This is how the scale inched higher and higher and seats got snug. It wasn’t ‘til I stripped away the story I told myself to find the reality that I was able to make honest and thoughtful change. Self-assurance and self-acceptance is a powerful thing resulting in both good and unintended negative results. Sometimes that self-assurance is really self-denial masquerading. It’s Halloween and the trick is on us. The more we make excuses and hide behind them the greater we become invested in that truth; detaching from the reality of ourselves.

I had three options; (1) remain invested in the delusion and carry on to a future wearing Circus Tents as t-shirts and being fork-lifted out of my house with a raging case of diabetes, (2) beat myself up and emotionally breakdown in self-destructing behavior of unhealthy yo-yo dieting, or (3) accept the truth, be aware of the behaviors that led to the construction of delusion, and develop a healthy approach to move forward.
Today I choose option three. I am using my skills as a Social Worker to develop a SMART plan for re-engaging in a healthy plan to truly love myself by living healthy.

The Plan:

• Scheduled eating (no more letting my workday dictate when/if I eat. I will adhere to a strict schedule to ensure I am getting proper nutrition and energy through the day)

• Morning Yoga (each morning I will begin with 10 – 15 minutes of Yoga stretching to start my day off correctly)

• Conference Call Walks (I will take at least one of my daily conference call via my blue tooth to facilitate an entire 60 minutes of walking, while I am engaging in a meeting. This will ensure movement throughout the workday and increase brain functionality throughout the day).

• A 7 p.m. cut off for eating (this I already do, so it’s all good!)

• Four days of moderate to intense exercise (3 days boxing/kickboxing with 1 day of Yoga and/or Swimming)

• Increase veggie intake (need to make a majority of my meal vegetables and decrease grain intake)

• One naughty treat a week (everyone needs a cheat each week)

• Write a blog post a day to keep myself honest, centered, and focused on my emotional and physical health

• Set 90 day goals not solely based in pounds dropped, but capturing milestones and growth in compliance with the plan, changes in physical ability…etc and having prizes that are no associated with good such as a massage, pedicure, new outfit…etc

• Identify individuals that support me in this process to look to for feedback, guidance, and reality checks when needed

• Look in the mirror and tell myself something awesome about me at the end of each day

• Take myself on a self-date once a month to remind myself that this is about my health and I do this out of love for me

The plan will develop as I continue to move forward to live a healthy life. So, even though I could have blamed it on that chair or even blamed it on me I am choosing a bath of growth and self-developing v blaming and excuses. Blame and excuses get us nowhere.