The Big Reveal...

Nobody gains or losses weight in secret. It’s not something we can keep hidden deep inside and then one day come out as, “fat” or “thin.” It would be awesome to keep it secret and quietly lose weight, and then one day reveals my inner thinner self in a big way. I like to picture a party with all my loved ones standing around and suddenly I emerge from my fat suit like a healthy butterfly a new version of me with bright happy colors for the world to admire.


Alas, that doesn’t happy. As I truck along working to lose weight others watch as clothes fit looser and fewer chins appear. Man, I still remember the day someone told me I only had a chin and a half. Believe it or not that was an amazing compliment! One day that half will be gone and I’ll have on chin.

We don’t lose the weight in secret, nor do we gain it in secret. In reality weigh loss/gain is for the entire world to see. Everyone around uses watches the progression of pounds; up or down. They watch as squish pokes out of ever tighter clothing or once flabby arms transform into sculpted badges of weight loss honor. It’s all down out in the open for the entire world to see.

Why then do we try to hide our weight loss/gain? It becomes a shameful secret. Of course, one can understand hiding gaining weight. It’s embarrassing to admit to ourselves or others. “I’m bloated,” we tell ourselves putting on those zipper-free stretchy pants. However, we hide when we’re trying to lose weight.

Many of us secretly diet. We tell ourselves it’s time and begin to eat healthier or exercise. We don’t tell others. We keep it our dirty little secret. It reminds me of when Charlotte on Sex and the City dated Harry. Even though he was great for her she wouldn’t admit it for the longest time, because she was embarrassed about what dating him would say about her. What does dieting say about us? It tells the world that for a bit of time we lost self-control and inched closer and closer to having our orbit (I often feel like a planet). It says we failed to take care of ourselves and nobody likes to feel like a failure. We beat ourselves up for gaining the weight.

We beat ourselves up even worse for trying to lose the weight. It’s so much easier to gain weight. Losing it takes work and doesn’t happen overnight. We become frustrated and it’s easier to quit. Even we tell nobody, there is nobody to stop us or know we quit. We sometimes fall down during the weight loss journey. When nobody knows, then if we overeat or skip the gym there is nobody to be disappointed in us. We can lie to ourselves. We can make ourselves feel reassured. We can let ourselves off the hook. We can continue to live in the closet struggling with our weight.

By stepping into the light and allowing the world to bear witness to our story we finally hold our truth as a flag of honor. We are fat. We are trying to lose to be healthy. We once lost control. We didn’t take care of ourselves. We are now frustrated and working hard to be healthy. We face failures, tripping and falling along this path. We climb seemingly unending hills only to find another hill at the top or a deep valley below.

We own our story and who we are. We find strength in that. Living honestly and opening about our health struggles allow us to truly embrace it. I am fat. I have gained 15lbs since moving to Long Beach, because I haven’t been as in control of my diet as I should be. I have to watch what I eat. I have to exercise. I share my vulnerability with the world to find strength, support, and partnership from those that share my journey. A journey is always better with a friend along the way. Letting others in and sharing my truth fuels me.

I am fat. I am working on myself. I am not perfect. I am living authentically. I am embraced.