What's Weighing on you? Is it you?

Today was an, “I hate being fat day.” It was one of those days were my fat felt ever expanding and seemed to get in the way of everything. As I dressed this morning I groaned seeing the bulges beneath my clothing. My face cringed as I saw my arm fat wave back at me during my warm ups at the gym. The squish flopped everywhere, not only for others to see, but for me to see in the mirror as I did jumping jacks during kickboxing class.


I hated how I looked, felt, and was today. My eyes stared blankly at my food trying to calculate how many calories in that sandwich and cursing myself for the needed to eat food. I had internal arguments with my inner conscience demanding how it let itself get so fat. My inner conscience merely coward in the corner wanting to comfort itself with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s as I scolded it. I thought about Dan and Julie’s wedding in a few months and having to wear a dress in front of friends. Images of my thunder thighs last night as I splashed in the pool caused me to grimace.  Really bad thoughts flooded my brain all day!

All this adds up to me not being so positive about my weight today. We all have these moments or days where we feel bad about our weight gain. There’s a reason the expression is a huge weight was lifted, because weight weighs on you! Being heavy can be, well, heavy! There isn’t a moment I forget I am fat. Each time I move the squish reminds me that it’s still there.

Positive thinking is helpful, but there are these dark days when I can’t seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel when I can say goodbye to this fat. The truth is, though, I’ll never say goodbye to my fatself. It’s not because I’ll never lose the weight, but because I’ll always be a fat guy. I’ll always think like a fat guy. The moment I forget about my fat is the moment I lose the battle of the bulge.

These dark days are few and far between. I share today with you, because they happen. Despite having a hopeful outlook and drive to be successful, we’ll each experience these feelings of self-loathing/doubt. It’s okay. It’s okay to have moments and/or a day like this. It happens. You cannot be expected to be little Ms. Susie Sunshine of weight-loss 24/7. Accept these moments as the potholes on your journey. They cause a bumpy ride for an instant and may try to derail you, but continue on your journey.

Despite this, “I hate my fatself” day, I stay focused. I hit the gym for my 60 minute kickboxing class. I made somewhat healthy eating choices. I engaged in a session reminding myself what is awesome about me (so needed today)! I still gave myself a treat; love me some bubble bath time. These practices help me combat these dark days, so they don't become the norm.  The dark days will happen. When they do, accept them and move on. Don’t wallow in the darkness. Everyone experiences these days. I do. You do. We all do. Accept it and move forward.

Put a plan in place to keep you working towards your goal and not lose focus or engage in unhealthy activities due to a sense of self-doubt/loathing.  Make it a part of your daily practice to find things outside of your weight that you like about yourself, treat yourself right, and give yourself a break.  These tactics can keep you on your path.  Forward motion gets us away from that pothole to a smoother path inching closer and closer.

Today’s Meals:

• Breakfast – Pop Tart (boo) and Almond Milk (Yay)

• Lunch – PB&J Wheat Sandwich and Strawberries

• Snacks – Popcorn, Orange, 4 Girl Scout Peanut Butter Cookies, cup of honey nut cheerios

Today’s Workout:

• 15 Minute walk with Milo

• 60 Minute Kickboxing Class

• 60 Minutes cleaning the kitchen/bathroom

Today’s Treat: A bubble bath

Today’s “What I like about me”: While, I hate my fat it doesn’t make me super cuddly!