Here's to being smelly!

Sometimes sweat can feel so good. Hard to say that after a week of 100 degree temps in SoCal, but it’s so true.  This morning I got up and instantly went to work out.  I started with 30 minutes of yoga stretching to wake me up, moved on to 15 minutes of abs/push work, and ended with 30 minutes of HIIT training on the bike.  Now, I’m sweaty and gross. 

Sweaty and gross is sometimes really amazing.  The sweat is a badge of honor of the work I’ve done. It’s my victory dance; the sweat!  It helps me feel like I’ve truly accomplished something.  It’s funny to think that when I was in high school and would take PE classes that the idea of sweating needed to be avoided as possible or that when I walk to work in the morning I’m trying my best not to sweat so I don’t smell during the day.  However, after workouts they are welcomes.  Sometimes I feel like I’ve accomplished my mission even more with eh sweater and the smeller I am!

So here’s to being smelly!

Work out:  30 minutes Yoga, 15 minutes abs/pushups, and 30 minutes HIIT Training on the bike

Food: 

                Breakfast – bowl of energy cereal

                Lunch – sliced bell pepper, yogurt, celery sticks, and spoonful of peanut butter

                Dinner - ??? Going to dinner at Mimi’s Café with friends, so haven’t decided yet 

What's harder blogging or dieting?

I don’t know what’s harder sticking with a diet or writing a blog?  Both prove to be rather challenging.  A blog requires dedication, time, and preparation.  A diet requires dedication, time, and preparation.  They are extremely similar.  At least in my life they both are tools for me to be healthy and happy.

The blog helps me express myself during this journey.  Much like a fast it helps me purge myself of emotional toxins.  It’s important for me to have voice during this journey.  By having voice I’m sharing my story to not only help others facing similar challenges, but no longer hiding.  For years I hide my story.  By hiding the struggle it became less real.  It allowed me to live in secrecy. 

By putting my truth to actual words and selecting “publish” and posting the link to Facebook I’m taking the next step of sharing my story; holding myself accountable.  Accountability is vitally important in this journey.  Those that are aware will help me along my journey like kindly strangers helping a lost tourist.  When they see me going down wrong paths, they can pull me back.

The trick, though, is making sure I stay true to putting my story down.  It’s important to remain consistent to the blog.  By maintaining consistency with this blog I’m using ritual/patterns to keep me on-track.  Remember diet requires preparation.  Preparation requires time.  It’s important that I schedule time for me to do what I need to do.  It’s important to schedule time to make a healthy lunch, exercise, prepare healthy dinner, shop for healthy food, and do things that help me along my way.

So today after dinner I sit here making sure that I complete my daily preparation by writing this blog. 

Exercise:  30 minute power walk

Food:

                Breakfast:  Bowl of Energy Cereal

                Lunch:  Slice Bell Pepper, Two Cut Celery Stalks, Spoonful of peanut butter, low fat vanilla yogurt

                Afternoon snack:  chocolate chip cookie (naughty girl)

                Dinner:  Three beef ribs and one piece of corn on the cob

It's not cheating if nobody knows...or is it?

“Cheaters never prosper!”  Is that age-old saying.   If we don’t play by the rules then we lose.  At least, that’s what the world would have us believe.  So often we see folks cheat their way to their goals whether professional or personal.  They take short cuts.  They through each other under the bus.  They break promises.  They break rules.  I’m sure we can all thing of examples of their in our personal and professional lives.  Of course, remember that other age-old saying, “When you point a finger three are pointing back at you.”  Bam!

There’s my truth for today.  It’s so easy to so cheaters all around us.  There are so many examples, sadly.  However, it’s difficult to see ourselves as cheaters, especially cheating on the most important person we’ll ever love; ourselves.  Bam!  Second hard truth of the day. 

When I think about cheating on my journey I think of two forms of it; public and private.  There is that public cheating that we announce.  “Today’s my cheat day.”  “It’s so hard to be good at work with all this food.”  “Well, it’s a special occasion so my diets on hold.”  These are all excuses for our cheating we tell those around us that take part in our very public cheating.  Of course, there are always cheating allies that bless our cheating with kind words like, “I won’t tell,” “You deserve it,” or “You can always start back tomorrow.”  We’ve all been in one or both of these positions; the cheater and the cheater alley. 

Then there is private cheating.  It’s probably the most harmful form of cheating, because there is nobody holding us accountable.  At least, with public cheating there are those diet-allies that with kind words bring you back.  “How’s the diet going?”  “May we should have some fruit instead.”  “Let’s go for a walk instead of having desert.”  These are all ways of bringing us back away from the cheating ledge.  The private cheating has nobody to do that, because the only one that knows is us.  Often we convince ourselves it’s not cheating, because nobody knows.

Nobody saw us have two sodas during the work day in our office with the door shut, eat that donut from the donut shop across the street on our way into the office, eat a bag of chips while watching TV while everyone was out for the evening, sit in front of the TV in our workout clothes while our partner was out only to tell him we worked out when we didn’t, or wear very uncomfortable undergarments that sucked things in to appear thinner.  Throughout my life I’ve done these things and others to privately cheat myself.  Of course, at the time I didn’t realize I was cheating myself.  I knew I was lying or keeping secrets from others, but I didn’t realize the story I was telling myself.

When we think of cheating we think of relationships.  We pictures that poor lied to loved one sitting home at night waiting for their partner to come home from what they believe is a late night at the office only in reality it’s a late night with someone else.  Food has often been my mistress or misteress in my case (as I like men).  I have a long relationship with it.  It’s been there when others haven’t.  Its seductive grip is difficult to untangle myself from.  However, it’s necessary so I can live in the light with the one person I need to be truthful and loyal to; myself.

 
Exercise:  25 laps swam in the pool followed by 5 power running laps in the pool

Food: 

                Breakfast – Bowl of Special K Honey Cereal

                Lunch – Baked Lemon Teriyaki Chicken Breast with steamed veggies

                Afternoon snack – Strawberries and 100 calories yogurt pack

                Dinner – Greek Yogurt, Granola, Sliced Bell Pepper, and Sliced Berries or scrambled eggs and piece of toast (final decision at game time)

                Evening Snack – Peanut Butter Frozen Greek Yogurt Bar

Always be prepared for temptation

Temptation!  It’s everywhere!  Literary EVERYWHERE, especially in the office.  Working in an office can prove treacherous for those trying to stay healthy.  There are long days at a computer, stress, and treats. Everywhere I look treats!  Today was like Armageddon of treats.  When I walked into the kitchen with my healthy lunch to stuff in the fridge I saw boxes of bagels, donuts, and pastries in the kitchen.  Quickly running away from the kitchen to the safety of my unhealthy snack-free zone (aka my office) I see e-mails about brownies and pretzels brought in. 

All this unhealthy stuff was brought in to celebrate Nurses’ Week (oh the sweet irony).  I avoided the temptation.  It was easier than I thought.  How do I avoided those chocolate brownies, warm glazed donuts, and toasted bagels smothered in flavored cream cheese?  Was it will power?  Was I simply the strongest willed woman in the office?  Hell no!  It’s because I came prepared. In any way one needs a sword.  For the Food Wars I battle back with healthy/prepared foods.

By having healthy prepared food easily available it makes it easier for me to give the middle finger (so-to-speak) to fatty/sugary foods.  The war isn’t over, but the battle was won today. I walked out of the office feeling proud of myself. 

Food:

                Breakfast – Bowl of Special K Almond Cereal and Banana

                Lunch - Cut up fruit (cherries, strawberries, and grapes), celery sticks with two spoonful’s of peanut butter for dipping, and yogurt

                Afternoon Snack – Single serving of almonds, cashews, and pecans

                Dinner – Turkey Tacos

                Evening Snack – Bowl of Special K cereal

Exercise:  A 20 minute power walk with the puppies

No more detour

Some detours are longer than others.  I’ve been on a very long detour to a land of bad choices.  Over the last few months I’ve been making terrible choices when it comes to my health.  Over the last months my dedication to exercise has all but disappeared, I started drinking soda again, and said, “Sure, I’ll have fries with that” too many times than I can count. 

“Why? How?” you may gasp in shock.  After all for so long I was doing so well with my journey. Well, I’ve allowed stress to consume me.  Stress was my excuse.  I was too tired to work out, because I had a long day.  I was stressed and deserved that treat.  I had a rough work and needed to make myself a brownie.  There were so many excuses to why I wasn’t staying true to my journey.  Excuses hide the truth and the truth was that my choices took me away from the most important thing in my life; myself. 

This detour away from me was impeding my journey and could not be allowed to continue.  I had to face the mirror, which nobody likes to do.  I had to see my truth; I was failing.  I hadn’t failed, but I was failing.  The beauty of failing is that it’s a verb; therefore, it’s in motion.  It’s not the end.  It allows for a choice to continue or to change course.  I choose to change course.

Of course, one cannot change course without a map to guide them.  So, I’ve begun my map.  In my true social work nature I’ve developed my own Action Plan to get me to my long term goal; losing 50lbs by June 1, 2015.  How am I going to get there you ask?  Well, I’m embracing a healthy eating plan.  I will pre-plan all my meals.  I will pack healthy lunch/snacks for the work day.  I will make myself eat breakfast each morning.  I have given up soda completely again.  I’ve removed all junk food from my house and office.  Today I even went into my colleague Jen’s office twice and didn’t have a single peanut M&M!  The next step is to get back to my exercise regime.  I will work out at least three days a week after work and power walk at least three days a week for lunch.  Success with half of that plan today!  I got my sweat on after work!  The most important part is keeping myself accountable by continuing to be extremely open about my journey through this blog.

So, I’m back of my journey!

Today’s Food:

                Breakfast:  Glass of Soy Milk, Banana, and Yogurt

                Lunch:  Strawberries, Celery Sticks and Peanut Butter, two piece of cheddar cheese, and single serving of nuts

                Afternoon snack:  Banana and single 100 calorie yogurt crunch snack pack

                Dinner:  Turkey Burger (no bread) and steamed veggies

                Evening Snack:  Bowl of Chocolate Almond Special K cereal

Exercise:  60 minutes of Flow Yoga and 30 minute walk with eh puppies

What's Weighing on you? Is it you?

Today was an, “I hate being fat day.” It was one of those days were my fat felt ever expanding and seemed to get in the way of everything. As I dressed this morning I groaned seeing the bulges beneath my clothing. My face cringed as I saw my arm fat wave back at me during my warm ups at the gym. The squish flopped everywhere, not only for others to see, but for me to see in the mirror as I did jumping jacks during kickboxing class.


I hated how I looked, felt, and was today. My eyes stared blankly at my food trying to calculate how many calories in that sandwich and cursing myself for the needed to eat food. I had internal arguments with my inner conscience demanding how it let itself get so fat. My inner conscience merely coward in the corner wanting to comfort itself with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s as I scolded it. I thought about Dan and Julie’s wedding in a few months and having to wear a dress in front of friends. Images of my thunder thighs last night as I splashed in the pool caused me to grimace.  Really bad thoughts flooded my brain all day!

All this adds up to me not being so positive about my weight today. We all have these moments or days where we feel bad about our weight gain. There’s a reason the expression is a huge weight was lifted, because weight weighs on you! Being heavy can be, well, heavy! There isn’t a moment I forget I am fat. Each time I move the squish reminds me that it’s still there.

Positive thinking is helpful, but there are these dark days when I can’t seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel when I can say goodbye to this fat. The truth is, though, I’ll never say goodbye to my fatself. It’s not because I’ll never lose the weight, but because I’ll always be a fat guy. I’ll always think like a fat guy. The moment I forget about my fat is the moment I lose the battle of the bulge.

These dark days are few and far between. I share today with you, because they happen. Despite having a hopeful outlook and drive to be successful, we’ll each experience these feelings of self-loathing/doubt. It’s okay. It’s okay to have moments and/or a day like this. It happens. You cannot be expected to be little Ms. Susie Sunshine of weight-loss 24/7. Accept these moments as the potholes on your journey. They cause a bumpy ride for an instant and may try to derail you, but continue on your journey.

Despite this, “I hate my fatself” day, I stay focused. I hit the gym for my 60 minute kickboxing class. I made somewhat healthy eating choices. I engaged in a session reminding myself what is awesome about me (so needed today)! I still gave myself a treat; love me some bubble bath time. These practices help me combat these dark days, so they don't become the norm.  The dark days will happen. When they do, accept them and move on. Don’t wallow in the darkness. Everyone experiences these days. I do. You do. We all do. Accept it and move forward.

Put a plan in place to keep you working towards your goal and not lose focus or engage in unhealthy activities due to a sense of self-doubt/loathing.  Make it a part of your daily practice to find things outside of your weight that you like about yourself, treat yourself right, and give yourself a break.  These tactics can keep you on your path.  Forward motion gets us away from that pothole to a smoother path inching closer and closer.

Today’s Meals:

• Breakfast – Pop Tart (boo) and Almond Milk (Yay)

• Lunch – PB&J Wheat Sandwich and Strawberries

• Snacks – Popcorn, Orange, 4 Girl Scout Peanut Butter Cookies, cup of honey nut cheerios

Today’s Workout:

• 15 Minute walk with Milo

• 60 Minute Kickboxing Class

• 60 Minutes cleaning the kitchen/bathroom

Today’s Treat: A bubble bath

Today’s “What I like about me”: While, I hate my fat it doesn’t make me super cuddly!

I exercise because...blah blah blah

It’s like a broken record! I exercise, because I want to be healthy, lose weight, tone, increase fitness levels, and manage stress…blah…blah...blah… I even make myself want to vomit sometimes when I go on and on about how exercise is good for physical and emotional well-being. While these are true motivators/outcomes of regular engagement in athletic/exercise activities, they cannot be the only reason so many sweat away hours of the week.

Think about community sports; volleyball, softball, soccer, touch football, roller derby…etc, Yoga studios, Kickboxing/Boxing gyms, and other athletically inclined businesses and organizations.  People stay engaged in physical activity for more than health reasons. I was thinking about this during my boxing class. I was 75% done with tonight’s class. My body dunked in a bath of salty sweat.  I gasped through a fusion of fatigue and exhilaration. I thought what drove me back to boxing?  What kept me pushing myself in this way?

There are so many other, WAY less intense,  ways to get my daily dose of 60 minutes of moderate to intense exercise per the American Medical Association (stupid doctors!). Why boxing? For that matter why Yoga? Why swimming? Why Tennis? Why soccer? Why running marathons? Why any sport/exercise?  Why are children forced into organized torture sessions known as high school PE classes? Why?  Isn't it easy just to walk?  Why participate in the difficult/grueling nature of atheltics?

It couldn’t merely be the exercise could it? I know being healthy is important, but there has to be more.  I thought about myself. What was I getting out of the different exercise practices I participate in?  What was keeping me tuned in?  Let's examine this.

From my Yoga practice I get a deeper understanding of who I am. I am a typical “Type A Personality” or for those that follow the Zodiac, a Scorpio. Yoga helps me understand I am full of Pitta (hope I’m spelling that right), which means I’m full of fire. I am driven, goal centered, and determined. All this sums up in someone that is very stubburn and never gives up (just ask anyone that has argued with me). 

Yoga bestows understanding of my personality and the tools to to channel it in positive ways.  Also it teaches ways to counter that piece of myself. As well, Yoga provides me a time of reflection. It’s a time where I can commune with me and God. My Yoga practice allows me the time to go deep within myself and push out the external distractions pulling me away from the connection with self and discussion with God.

From boxing I practice my active listening skills with the rapid changes from move to move. As well, I am learning to multitask, while still building my focus. I have to protect myself, while finding opportunities to look for opportunities for a strike. My body is constantly in motion, as is my brain. It’s truly an exercise of brain and physical power. I get more than an amazing physical workout from boxing.

With boxing there is, also, this sense of team with my classmates. We cheer each other on to work to meet the demands of our instructor (coach). There are high-fives and “go girls” thrown around that gym. It’s funny that a sport associated with violence builds this community among those of us who do it.

I could examine all types of exercise/athletic pursuits to see all the things beyond the physical that keeps me coming back for me. Focus, team building, self-reflection…etc are just some of those things that make sure I get my sweat on! What keeps you coming back for me?

Today’s Food:

Breakfast – Bowl of Frosted Mini Wheats

Lunch – Slice of Cheese Pizza and Orange

Dinner – Cereal, Strawberries and almond milk

Snacks – single serving of almonds, half a slice of chocolate banana bread (I made it homemade), and tangerine fruit bar

Today’s Exercise:

20 minute power walk with Milo at lunch time

60 minute boxing class at UFC Gym

20 laps in the pool

Today’s Treat:

20 minutes soaking in the hot tub listening to “The Great Gatsby” soundtrack after boxing

Today’s “What I like about me!”

I am an awesome girlfriend! Yep, I said it! I love my man and he knows that.